What I miss the most about being married is spoiling and buying my ex husband gifts. Whatever he wanted and or desired, in the back of my mind I was immediately thinking of ways to save enough money for it! I would sit back and imagine how happy and grateful he would be, and then I would immediately work on putting together a master plan of how to make it happen!
Not that I reminisce or remember much of the past, but I do know the one gift I couldn’t give him was a becoming a weaker women presented in a more respectful manner.
Weaker meaning, less head strong, less opinionated, less critical, less smart, less of a planner, less financial knowledge, less wisdom and less of a leader. The one gift I wanted him to have was wrapped and bundled in a different heart. And after seeing those tears fall from his eyes, I knew it was time for me to give him the greatest gift of all “FREEDOM”.
FREEDOM from being his best friend, which included a lifetime commitment.
FREEDOM from having a successful but emotional marriage.
FREEDOM from trying to figure ourselves out while trying to grow together.
FREEDOM from trying to live according to the bible and figure out who was more anointed and why.
FREEDOM from trying to make sex pleasurable because I chose not to have sex before marriage, not understanding the downfall of that.
FREEDOM from my style of pushing him to his GREATNESS, which included encouraging him to read, to act more mature, to take leadership roles, to become less emotionally responsive, to work on his first, second and overall impression and attitude, etc.
FREEDOM from having me try to correct him without correcting myself due to fear of passing him by in life!
FREEDOM from treating him like a brother rather than my man.
FREEDOM from the fear of me being more successful in life.
FREEDOM from him ever feeling not good enough.
And to this day, I value his words and his greatest gift to me speaking the 110% truth,
“Shakiya just make sure you find a strong man who knows how to be a man; Who will look at you on your wedding day and see, understand and verbally tell you just how beautiful you are. Make sure he understand you and value you, because I realized it way too late. Make sure he understand how emotional you are when life gets really tough and that he is strong enough to help you get through it. Shakiya always be you from day one, no matter what. And yes I want to stay so you won’t have to do this alone but I’m going to honor your wishes”……..
Giving me my COMPLETE FREEDOM, the opportunity to fall in love with myself!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Lastly, it’s safe to say, now that I think about it, I miss nothing else because I recreated the life I wanted for myself and it feels REALLY GOOD!